Welp, the year is coming to an end...again.

And yet again this person remains a big part of my life. I wish I could say I hated that, that I hated he's still so important to me, that I could write about someone else on here for a change, but in reality that's not completely true. Yes, of course sometimes it irritates me, a lot. It's been a little over three years since I met him, and since then he's had a special place in my heart. Sometimes I wonder how much longer he'll occupy a living space in my head rent-free. There was a time where I had convince myself he was no longer, but if I'm going to be true to myself, the truth is I was lying to myself. I still thought about him yes, but no, it's not like I was suffering. I was just in limbo, living life steady. Unfortunately, in that time I didn't meet anyone new. A fresh face to occupy his place in my head. So it was rather easy that I accepted him back into my life, willingly--urgently. And here we are kids, closing the gap on 2011, how weird is that? it seems almost too quick, like I need some more time. All in all, it was very full of surprises. It was not filled with tears though, and I am proud of that. Not a tear was shed from my eye this year, and I feel strong because of that. Some anger was let loose--yes--but I'd rather be mad then sad. And now, I am ready to welcome 2012, I can already feel it will be a wonderful year, full of many new beginnings and though I do no want to think about them, I know it will be filled with a few endings as well. But oh well, that is life. Besides, I was never known as a coward. I have not a clue what it will be like, or how much longer he will remain present. How much longer I will remain here. Because if God wills it, I would very much love to go to New York, I am quite ready for something new. California will always be here, waiting for me.