And yet again this person remains a big part of my life. I wish I could say I hated that, that I hated he's still so important to me, that I could write about someone else on here for a change, but in reality that's not completely true. Yes, of course sometimes it irritates me, a lot. It's been a little over three years since I met him, and since then he's had a special place in my heart. Sometimes I wonder how much longer he'll occupy a living space in my head rent-free. There was a time where I had convince myself he was no longer, but if I'm going to be true to myself, the truth is I was lying to myself. I still thought about him yes, but no, it's not like I was suffering. I was just in limbo, living life steady. Unfortunately, in that time I didn't meet anyone new. A fresh face to occupy his place in my head. So it was rather easy that I accepted him back into my life, willingly--urgently. And here we are kids, closing the gap on 2011, how weird is that? it seems almost too quick, like I need some more time. All in all, it was very full of surprises. It was not filled with tears though, and I am proud of that. Not a tear was shed from my eye this year, and I feel strong because of that. Some anger was let loose--yes--but I'd rather be mad then sad. And now, I am ready to welcome 2012, I can already feel it will be a wonderful year, full of many new beginnings and though I do no want to think about them, I know it will be filled with a few endings as well. But oh well, that is life. Besides, I was never known as a coward. I have not a clue what it will be like, or how much longer he will remain present. How much longer I will remain here. Because if God wills it, I would very much love to go to New York, I am quite ready for something new. California will always be here, waiting for me.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Welp, the year is coming to an end...again.
And yet again this person remains a big part of my life. I wish I could say I hated that, that I hated he's still so important to me, that I could write about someone else on here for a change, but in reality that's not completely true. Yes, of course sometimes it irritates me, a lot. It's been a little over three years since I met him, and since then he's had a special place in my heart. Sometimes I wonder how much longer he'll occupy a living space in my head rent-free. There was a time where I had convince myself he was no longer, but if I'm going to be true to myself, the truth is I was lying to myself. I still thought about him yes, but no, it's not like I was suffering. I was just in limbo, living life steady. Unfortunately, in that time I didn't meet anyone new. A fresh face to occupy his place in my head. So it was rather easy that I accepted him back into my life, willingly--urgently. And here we are kids, closing the gap on 2011, how weird is that? it seems almost too quick, like I need some more time. All in all, it was very full of surprises. It was not filled with tears though, and I am proud of that. Not a tear was shed from my eye this year, and I feel strong because of that. Some anger was let loose--yes--but I'd rather be mad then sad. And now, I am ready to welcome 2012, I can already feel it will be a wonderful year, full of many new beginnings and though I do no want to think about them, I know it will be filled with a few endings as well. But oh well, that is life. Besides, I was never known as a coward. I have not a clue what it will be like, or how much longer he will remain present. How much longer I will remain here. Because if God wills it, I would very much love to go to New York, I am quite ready for something new. California will always be here, waiting for me.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
It's official:
I will be attending the Dom Kennedy concert this Saturday in San Diego, ayyyyyy!!!
So stoked!
So stoked!
&$wagggmeout!
-A
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Dom Kennedy
Unf!! His music is just too smooth. Has me flowing and bobbing my head feeling the lines.
Music taste in a male-attractive.
That's a definite plus! I can't live without music, and if you're given me some good music, you'll keep me happy. Take notes. But seriously thought, if you haven't copped dom's mixtapes, do it ASAP!!
Music taste in a male-attractive.
That's a definite plus! I can't live without music, and if you're given me some good music, you'll keep me happy. Take notes. But seriously thought, if you haven't copped dom's mixtapes, do it ASAP!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
"Dang, it seems like you have your life laid out in front of you..."
Well, it's not like it's a set layout that I can physically refer to, but I do have an idea of where I'd like to set out to. Like nothing in life, it's obviously not set in stone, but it has been drawn out on paper a couple times, give or take a few details.
The future though, the future is still non-existent, the only thing that is for sure is my past and my present. I turn my back to the future, and face my past,and flourish in my present, because even if i'm not sure what stands behind me, I can look to what's before me.
Anyways, the unknown always excited me. And my life, my life is beautiful, I have truly been blessed with times of happiness and pain, and they have been vivid. I am thankful for all of them.
That being said, i'm ready, Let the times keep rolling and let life keep living. I know it's going to be a splendid ride...Dashing!
&SWAGGMEOUT!;;
-A
The future though, the future is still non-existent, the only thing that is for sure is my past and my present. I turn my back to the future, and face my past,and flourish in my present, because even if i'm not sure what stands behind me, I can look to what's before me.
Anyways, the unknown always excited me. And my life, my life is beautiful, I have truly been blessed with times of happiness and pain, and they have been vivid. I am thankful for all of them.
That being said, i'm ready, Let the times keep rolling and let life keep living. I know it's going to be a splendid ride...Dashing!
&SWAGGMEOUT!;;
-A
Friday, July 29, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
It been what-Almost 4 years?
It was around December of 2008, back when myspace was still poppin'(hard to remember, right?), I had seen your profile picture a while back, seen you on my cousin's page.
It wasn't until I read what you said that I decided I liked your character-Still, I didn't add you.
But I did keep your words on my own page, of course I gave credit.
If it's safe to say, and I do believe it's pretty safe, I've been one of, if not your first supporter.
Anyways, wasn't until I built up the courage to add a mutual stranger, that I clicked "send friend request".
You liked how I had you on my page, I know deep inside it gave you motivation, made you feel special. We started talking in messages, all the "RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE" on the subjects, conversations were endless.
Never did our talk turn into something sexual, flirting? I mean there was a friendly teasing nature.
Came to the point where I would look forward to the "New messages" Icon, couldn't wait to read the wise and creative words that you crafted so effortlessly.
I wasn't behind though, I was a writer as well.
Between the exchanging of words there was an exchange of numbers.
One unexpected night, I texted you, "come to the Spectrum"
To be honest, I didn't really believe you would make it, but I couldn't help but grow anxious.
Waiting outside of Edwards, I kept glancing around for you, you called,we picked up, described our attire, search, search, found you.
Walked over. I reached for a handshake, but you gave me a hug.
Your friends were with you, but that night, it's as if they weren't present.
I was the first to be mean, I'm sorry, couldn't help it.
We talked about everything, talked about nothing, but man, our conversation it was effortless; it was natural.
I'd be lying if a spark didn't light that night, but I soon brushed it off, I mean come on? We barely knew each other.
The night had to come to an end, we bid farewell, couldn't wait for the next hello.
Hello didn't wait too long, we started conversing on the phone...hours stacked on hours...that first night, I remember summed up to about 5 hours. Damn.
I needed some coffee for school the next day, but I didn't mind it.
We continued talking on the phone, made me smile when I saw your number appear on my screen.
We would joke around and be serious. One night a sexual topic arose, we laughed at the thought, and we promised,
"Don't worry, I'll never see you like that. I can't."
Can't? Or Can't prevent it?
Whether we could've prevented this or not, it's too late to question.
Let's not forget your cocky nature:
"i'm only here for a limited time warranty."
I was quick to argue:
"nahh, I have life insurance on you,"
How long life is defined is intangible to grasp, some have a longer time, and some shorter, but seeing how all this started and unraveled, it still kinda gets me.
who woulda known?
I certainly had not a clue.
Since the beginning our beings complimented each other, that wasn't hard to see. But did you ever imagine it would ever come to this?
was this ever an option?
Is it still out of the question?
I appreciate your friendship too much to allow it to let it go, besides we've been through so much, how could I just let it all go like that?
I don't think you understand how sometimes I would pray to God and ask him to take you away if that was what was best.
I left. You were gone. But somehow we always managed to contact each other again.
I'd expect things to be different. Pauses on the phone, or an uncomfortable nature, but it was never like that.
Even after we argued, or I was mad at you, we always managed to lighten up the mood.
It was relaxing. Voices were soothing.
So I would ask God, irritated and confused:
"What do you want then? You already took him away, but why did you bring him back?
Alright, so you do want him in my life. I can definitely accept that."
But I forgot to ask the second most important question:
"How or in what form is he supposed to be present in my life?"
I mean, because it was silly of me right?
Just because two separate beings, raised differently, different natures, and genders could get along so well, could compliment each other so well to almost form a oneness did not mean they were supposed to be together.
If anything, maybe they were meant to be inseparable friends, and dare I say this word, "Best Friends"?
God loves friends. He says they should be one of your most valued treasures.
So, this story was our beginning, at least from my perspective, of our relationship; our friendship.
What the future hurls at us along our way I cannot predict, it's already thrown boulders at us, sometimes I feel like mountains themselves have moved against us, but here we remain.
I can only entrust our friendship to God, after all, he is the reason we met, the reason we re-met. He is the strength that was in me when I agreed to continue our friendship.
Anyways, here I am, in the year 2011, still happy to see a txt or call from you.
I am grateful, because I am blessed to have known you, my dear Friend.
"It is said that if you find one true friend in the course of your lifetime, you are very fortunate."
-Do you feel fortunate?
It wasn't until I read what you said that I decided I liked your character-Still, I didn't add you.
But I did keep your words on my own page, of course I gave credit.
If it's safe to say, and I do believe it's pretty safe, I've been one of, if not your first supporter.
Anyways, wasn't until I built up the courage to add a mutual stranger, that I clicked "send friend request".
You liked how I had you on my page, I know deep inside it gave you motivation, made you feel special. We started talking in messages, all the "RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE" on the subjects, conversations were endless.
Never did our talk turn into something sexual, flirting? I mean there was a friendly teasing nature.
Came to the point where I would look forward to the "New messages" Icon, couldn't wait to read the wise and creative words that you crafted so effortlessly.
I wasn't behind though, I was a writer as well.
Between the exchanging of words there was an exchange of numbers.
One unexpected night, I texted you, "come to the Spectrum"
To be honest, I didn't really believe you would make it, but I couldn't help but grow anxious.
Waiting outside of Edwards, I kept glancing around for you, you called,we picked up, described our attire, search, search, found you.
Walked over. I reached for a handshake, but you gave me a hug.
Your friends were with you, but that night, it's as if they weren't present.
I was the first to be mean, I'm sorry, couldn't help it.
We talked about everything, talked about nothing, but man, our conversation it was effortless; it was natural.
I'd be lying if a spark didn't light that night, but I soon brushed it off, I mean come on? We barely knew each other.
The night had to come to an end, we bid farewell, couldn't wait for the next hello.
Hello didn't wait too long, we started conversing on the phone...hours stacked on hours...that first night, I remember summed up to about 5 hours. Damn.
I needed some coffee for school the next day, but I didn't mind it.
We continued talking on the phone, made me smile when I saw your number appear on my screen.
We would joke around and be serious. One night a sexual topic arose, we laughed at the thought, and we promised,
"Don't worry, I'll never see you like that. I can't."
Can't? Or Can't prevent it?
Whether we could've prevented this or not, it's too late to question.
Let's not forget your cocky nature:
"i'm only here for a limited time warranty."
I was quick to argue:
"nahh, I have life insurance on you,"
How long life is defined is intangible to grasp, some have a longer time, and some shorter, but seeing how all this started and unraveled, it still kinda gets me.
who woulda known?
I certainly had not a clue.
Since the beginning our beings complimented each other, that wasn't hard to see. But did you ever imagine it would ever come to this?
was this ever an option?
Is it still out of the question?
I appreciate your friendship too much to allow it to let it go, besides we've been through so much, how could I just let it all go like that?
I don't think you understand how sometimes I would pray to God and ask him to take you away if that was what was best.
I left. You were gone. But somehow we always managed to contact each other again.
I'd expect things to be different. Pauses on the phone, or an uncomfortable nature, but it was never like that.
Even after we argued, or I was mad at you, we always managed to lighten up the mood.
It was relaxing. Voices were soothing.
So I would ask God, irritated and confused:
"What do you want then? You already took him away, but why did you bring him back?
Alright, so you do want him in my life. I can definitely accept that."
But I forgot to ask the second most important question:
"How or in what form is he supposed to be present in my life?"
I mean, because it was silly of me right?
Just because two separate beings, raised differently, different natures, and genders could get along so well, could compliment each other so well to almost form a oneness did not mean they were supposed to be together.
If anything, maybe they were meant to be inseparable friends, and dare I say this word, "Best Friends"?
God loves friends. He says they should be one of your most valued treasures.
So, this story was our beginning, at least from my perspective, of our relationship; our friendship.
What the future hurls at us along our way I cannot predict, it's already thrown boulders at us, sometimes I feel like mountains themselves have moved against us, but here we remain.
I can only entrust our friendship to God, after all, he is the reason we met, the reason we re-met. He is the strength that was in me when I agreed to continue our friendship.
Anyways, here I am, in the year 2011, still happy to see a txt or call from you.
I am grateful, because I am blessed to have known you, my dear Friend.
"It is said that if you find one true friend in the course of your lifetime, you are very fortunate."
-Do you feel fortunate?
Monday, July 18, 2011
Nooo!! D:
Jay, Baby where'd you go!?!
I mean, I know I deleted my tumblr, but I didn't expect you to do the same :,(
How am I going to be able to stalk you now?
You don't even use your blogspot anymore!
Please, come back to me!!
-A.
Currently: Don't tell me you love me- Big Sean
I mean, I know I deleted my tumblr, but I didn't expect you to do the same :,(
How am I going to be able to stalk you now?
You don't even use your blogspot anymore!
Please, come back to me!!
-A.
Currently: Don't tell me you love me- Big Sean
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Talks with my aunt.
I like hanging out with her, when it's just me and her. She trusts me, surprisingly so. She's turning 30 next year, and she's not married yet, she says she's given up on marriage-heck maybe even given upon relationships.
We go on cold stone runs, and she tells me about her life I talk to her about mine. There's a certain aspect of her life that only I-and one more person know about, her roomate doesn't even know about it, and she trusted me a much younger being to confide her secret in. Idk, that just kinda made me feel special, it validated my maturity and view on life. If youre true to yourself and don't worry about how others view your own views, they'll value it. They'll value you.
We go on cold stone runs, and she tells me about her life I talk to her about mine. There's a certain aspect of her life that only I-and one more person know about, her roomate doesn't even know about it, and she trusted me a much younger being to confide her secret in. Idk, that just kinda made me feel special, it validated my maturity and view on life. If youre true to yourself and don't worry about how others view your own views, they'll value it. They'll value you.
&swagggmeeout$
Sunday, July 3, 2011
"and when the sun rises,
"he watches over me"
-the foreign exchange.
-the foreign exchange.
Going away. I never really considered it. Personally, I'd rather stay in California. But the more people keep assuming I'm staying and recommending me on staying, it compels me to do the opposite. Hmm, Philadelphia or what about new York? Why not?
"but people will be so different,"
Yes, they probably will be, but who's says I'm anything like anyone else here anyways?
In all our differences, there's bound to be someone like me, or at least someone similar.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Talking: children.
Today I accompanied one of my very good friends to a barbecue hosted by her church group. Somewhere along the lines the idea of kids came into play, and a lady said something like it's every girls dream to have kids and marry.
I kinda disagreed, it's never been my "dream" to have kids. My dream has been to have a family, not just the kids. When I think of children I can never picture them without a husband; when I think of kids I imagine all of us, husband and children, together. I want a family.
I kinda disagreed, it's never been my "dream" to have kids. My dream has been to have a family, not just the kids. When I think of children I can never picture them without a husband; when I think of kids I imagine all of us, husband and children, together. I want a family.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Transformers 3: dark of the moon
I don't know what I was expecting, or I'm not so sure I was expecting anything for that matter, this movie was a bit long but overall good. Would I watch it again and was the extra charge for IMAX 3D worth it? Not really.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
One thing I miss about Tumblr?
The MUSIC *_*
I discovered so much good music on there...*le sigh.
Don't get me wrong, you guys post some good music, but it's all music I've heard before and Artists I already Know.
Give me something new, gimme something fresh!
&Swagmeouttt.
I'm back...
I've left tumblr...YUP. It's all just too much, your posts being constantly followed, everything is just soo boring now...Just pictures and quotes. Right here though, I truly feel alone...and that feeling is comforting sometimes.
&Swagggmeouttt.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
6/9/11
The tears are right at their breaking point. The clouds are full and the rain wants to be released. She's too stubborn and much too proud to allow the moisture to surround the dry earth. But deep inside, she wants to burst. But she's afraid, she knows what's possible, she sees the cards laid out in front. Will she make a move, or allow the strings from her back to keep on being pulled?
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I hate to see you cry,
Your smile is a beautiful lie.
Random quote to start it off right? Haha just listening to Stereo Love-Edward Maya ft. Alicia
Well to be honest, I don't have much to say but to state the simple fact that I don't have much of anything to write. If there's on place I'm most comfortable doing that is here, blogspot. Maybe it's the fact that mostly anyone who's anyone doesn't come and read my blog. It's kinda comforting knowing I can express myself Publicly-privately. It helps me to not only think my thoughts, but the act of typing them and then re-reading them is kinda relaxing, very. Studying for AP testing, currently, non-existent. I've gotten soooo lazy lately. I'm not proud of it, but I can no longer deny it. I should probably hop off of this. I will, no worries. On another note, I've felt a change inside of me. I feel distant. Like a part of me is distant, but it's not that i'm distant to myself. That, which I have been asking for, for so long, seems to finally be in route to begin, or rather, to end. It kinda scares me to be writing that, What if it's not true? But even more, what if it is true? Is it even possible, it definitely is not imaginable...but I can feel it. Will it leave my body slowly, or will it hit me with its sudden absence? Will I miss it? it's kinda scary. But is fear any better than the pain? I'll have to find out for myself.
&swaggmeouttt.
-A
P.s I've been trying to establish a signature...so far the above created^ is what's happening. lol
Friday, April 22, 2011
It's friday.
The week went by slightly slower than last week. But it's over. This coming weekend will be a passive weekend. Rest and breathe. Everyone needs to breathe.
I don't know much else to mention except that there's a lot to tell, for the meantime though, I'll keep those on hold.
Currently: The Morning-The Weeknd.
Love his voice-and at such a young age.
&swaggmeout.
-A
I don't know much else to mention except that there's a lot to tell, for the meantime though, I'll keep those on hold.
Currently: The Morning-The Weeknd.
Love his voice-and at such a young age.
&swaggmeout.
-A
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Hump Wednesday.
The bell just rang. Scattering of bodies commences.
It's the middle of the week, just a few more left.
Cup in my hand, Coffee in my tummy. Let's get this over with.
Strange call last night by a spaztic speaker. *shrug.
Crashed a little later than recommended for a healthy serving of unconsciousness.
I knew I would regret it.
Music plugged it. Like always.
I got about two minutes left, but i'm not racing.
I guess i'm out.
&swaggmeout.
-A
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Ahhh...just shut up already!
so many things have been bugging me lately.
Little things.
I'm not proud of that. I just need to gain back the patience I was so happy with. I find myself rolling my eyes at way too many things and people.
You guys, i'm kinda scared. I'm turning into a troll. Ahhh!
*breathe*
welll...yeah. /vent.
&swagggmmeeeouttt!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Xx-Crystalised
To be honest, it took me quite a while to pick what song to post.
I love ALL of their songs.
They're that great.
Anyways, take a peek for yourself(:
Excuse my music.
I know, I know, it's gotten old.
I will update it soon, If i can remember my password and ID.
(haha, calm down)
But for real though, I see some new artists out that have potential and I like.(Frank ocean, Kendrick Lamar, The weeknd, Mac miller, Yelawolf, etc...)
But some other artists that just plain...*SMH* (Wacka Flocka lame...)
He's not new but it's just he's the biggest one in my head.
Oh, and I recently discovered The Xx, it's I think Indie/alternative.
But I LOVE them, I was obsessed for a while.
&Swagg me out.
-Ali.kat
I've seen it all before...
"I shoulda known better than to think this was real,
and you could be mine...
But I kept thinking this could be something...
Maybe it's just nothing at all."
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
But what does it matter?
"Everything is forgotten in the end.
The shouting dies down, the waves subside, the streets empty, and all is silent once more."
-Harry Mulisch; The Assault
Vous me manquez.
I sure have. Lagging much? Very. I'm not going to promise anything this time, posts will be sporadic, that is for sure. I'm just wondering out loud here.
But let me just add a quote here from a book i'm reading The Assault by harry Mulisch.
"But nothing exists in the future; it is empty; one might die at any minute..Whereas it is the past that is visible, stored in the memory"
I like this quote; it's is so true.
Many say: I'm looking towards the future. What future? There is no future, yet. It's all just empty space. It makes much more sense to say you're looking at your past and ready to pave into the future, because if you face your future, you're facing an empty void.
Anyways i'm running out of time...class in 10 minutes.
&Swagg me out. <3
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